ポラロイド写真

回り込み解除

It's really early in the morning whenever I think about the people I dislike and why I dislike them. Usually, I'm never a person to completely dislike someone unless their my brother or go to my school, but that's totally different from what I'm talking about. I think what I mean is someone I use to be close friends with, and now I just can't stand them.

I won't point any fingers and name drop, but let's say these two were really close to me. I couldn't really imagine my life without them back then, but now I think I'll be totally fine. Since both felt just so one sided, it hurt me and I think I deserve more than a one sided friendship. I do, right?

One stopped because she didn't want to talk to me and she never told me why. I really dislike dishonest people, though that's sort of hypocritical, at least I try. I still wanted to be friends with her, but if she wasn't going to tell me why she didn't want to talk to me or make an effort to be friends in the first place, I shouldn't try. It really hurt me though. Cause this was the first time someone promised me we would friends forever, but then they just broke it. I hated it. This made me have a mental breakdowns that eventually led up to me almost killing myself...I still wish I did. As a person with trust issues since the beginning of time, this really scarred me. It made me question my bonds with others which brings me to my next person. (I think I've talked about a lot of this first person before so I won't talk much about again LOL)

She was nice. She tried to always be so supportive and kind. She was my best friend and I used to feel so happy talking to her. Over time though, it started to hurt. During my depression Nov-Jan., I felt like she was never there. I felt like she had better things to do, which she probably did, but she never seemed to take notice that everyday I wanted to kill myself. Or more like, she never took it seriously. Sure, she would write supportive messages and all, but no matter how times I read them, all I could think was, "She doesn't understand." The people who I'm close to now understand, but she seem to have no idea how to handle my behavior, which isn't her fault, it was something though that I didn't think I could deal with. Then during that long break of self discovery(lol) and no online contact, I realize that people change and how much I changed. I grew more independent and so did she. I checked her twitter every now and then to check up on friends and she seemed to always be happy not really taking notice or care that I could be dead. I know that's not her fault, and I'm happy she's happier without me. It made me realize though, that she never took my suicidal posts seriously even though, everyday I really did fantasize about dying. And I would get so envious whenever I saw a murder or funeral on tv. (I'm a lot better now lol.) people grow distant, and as I saw her do better without me, I decided it would be better for me to leave. She probably hasn't even noticed haha.

It's been almost two months since I gave Kev my Skype to delete people off. He didn't delete anyone off my favorites, only 1/2 were still on my favorites but at least one is gone. I don't know. I've grown more distant, but at the same time, I choose to be closer to the friends I love so much.

Maybe we can all be friends again but for now, I prefer not.

-Jenn/Neko

PS. I do not want to animate for ABCBA R3 SOB. At least Jes animated some of it while I was at the hospital (secret), but ughhhhh.
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Me, Myself, and You.

NEKO★JENN

Author:NEKO★JENN
i sometimes catch myself remembering.

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