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    category:Vent.

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I never use names while doing this but argh. Lately, I've been getting angry at one of my friends. She's been hanging out with someone, and I know it's stupid to feel jealous but I do. She's really close and I don't know I feel so mad.

She's allowed to have other friends, but I was usually you know, her #1 friend. So I guess that's the reason. Iunno, though. We use to do lots of things when together but now she does em with this other friend. I know I might be busy or whatever, but I can make time for her. She probably thinks I'm busy hanging with my girlfriend or something, but she's been with me longer and I would pick her as a friend over my girlfriend, sadly.

I understand with this other other friend she talks to a lot, that she would pick her over me, but that's cause they knew each other longer. But she just met this new person this year...it's just not fair. I'm probably the only one who feels like this since I'm so insecure and I know I'm such a bad friend and I can't do anything right and I just want to die inside. I hate this new friend, but I mostly hate myself.

I'm trying my best to talk to her, but it feels like no good. I could take a break, but she would just forget about me. Sure, we don't have the same interests, like the movies she watches seem boring to me while I like to watch shounen things. Our games are different and our taste in music a bit, but still. We were best friends and that's what I liked. Now though, I feel more distant and I can't even hold in all these feelings since I don't want to lose her but I don't know how to keep her.

Maybe, I'm just not a good friend anymore. Yea, I probably am. I am. I'm a horrible friend. Why can't I just kill myself, why can't I learn how to keep the closest people to me, close? They all keep leaving me, and I just feel so abandoned and I...I just want to be gone.

I've been crying about this for days for hours...I just don't want to lose anyone close again.

-Jenn
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Me, Myself, and You.

NEKO★JENN

Author:NEKO★JENN
i sometimes catch myself remembering.

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