ポラロイド写真

回り込み解除

I decided to go to this rant blog more than my other lame tumblr one. That tumblr one...really didn't help at all. Anyways, I've been feeling dead like literally dead for the past couple of weeks and I've just been sleeping and crying.
Sure, I had nice times with like Ron, Charli, and Rob; but still, they are some people who I wish I could get rid of.
I have no idea if I talked about this before on this blog, but around February, I joined an rp on tumblr. It was all fun at first, until we smacked into our first encounter with drama. Now this was due to me and my friend Michael and how we were starting to feel left out. So I thought we resolved it, but turns out this only started the fire.
She got really protective over the real group and started to control things. At first we were like "Well, she is the boss of the roleplay why not." But it soon reached the point of annoyance when she left the chat every 2 weeks now days even.
The others seemed to not give a crap and to be honest, so did I, but I at least understood what she was feeling. Being left out. I feel left out all the time now in the chat and I don't mention it or anything, but no one seems to really care about my existence anyway. My girlfriend is amongst all this and I guess that's what makes me feel even more mad.
Talking with people she's more close to than me. It hurts and I feel so jealous but I can't say anything. I might be over reacting but it just keeps happening and happening. And I keep constantly getting reminded of it, how? Everytime now I talk to her, she'll put in like "Oh don't worry ____ said it sucked anyway." Or "Haha, I'm just watching stuff with ___." And I just can't take it.
And what's worse is that, I just hate myself even more for thinking all this, for feeling the way I feel and I just wish I could end it by ending myself but I can't for so many reasons.
I'm sorry that I keep ranting but argh. I'm just going to leave the chat. Leave. Get rid of all these feelings for a while.

-Jenn Neko Fubuki
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Me, Myself, and You.

NEKO★JENN

Author:NEKO★JENN
i sometimes catch myself remembering.

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